The Healing Stream Page 12

  ‘Let me think what we can do,’ came his calm voice. She felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her. No longer was she alone.

  She waited, trying to imagine how his mind was working. There was no logic in her feeling of relief that he was sharing her problem for, after all, he knew even less about farming than she did. So when he spoke again, he surprised her.

  ‘You’ve seen young Gerry Baker, the lad who started working here a few weeks ago doing odd jobs and helping the gardener? He was new to the district when he came here, but he was brought up on his grandfather’s farm in Hampshire. I’ll send him down to give you a hand. Tessa?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Tessa croaked, ‘I never cry.’ But the snort proved this was an exception to the rule. ‘Just, I was so worried I’d do it all wrong. I mustn’t let them down. He’s never ill.’

  ‘My dear, you won’t let them down. Baker will be with you in no time – I’ll run him down in the car.’

  And, true to his word, in less than five minutes Julian’s car drew up and the burly young man got out.

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said as her eyes followed Gerry climbing up to where the cows stood, watching him with mild interest. He’d noticed a long stick against the side of the milking shed and was carrying it for guiding and steering the herd. ‘I didn’t take a stick. I forgot that’s what Uncle Richard uses. It sounds sort of stilted to say that I don’t know how to thank you, Mr Masters, but it’s the truth. I don’t mind how hard I have to work but I was so frightened of making a mess of it.’

  ‘I fancy that young Baker is in his element. He only left his grandparents’ farm because his girlfriend works for a family who moved down this way. He’s a good worker; he won’t let you down. Your aunt may be right in thinking they’ll be home today but, like you, I should think it highly unlikely. No doubt she’ll let you know what’s happening, but I’m sure if his condition is serious – and I hope it isn’t – she will want to be there as much as they allow. So’ – and as if with a change of mood his face broke into a rare smile – ‘it’ll be all shoulders to the wheel. Today I’ll see that Deirdre doesn’t bring herself down, I’ll drive her in her car – her ‘hybrid’, I think she says you call it. You’ll need that to take the orders to the village if your aunt has the van. Use Baker as you like, but he’s only on loan, he remains on my payroll. Now I’m off to collect Deirdre. Will you both come up to the house for your lunch as usual?’

  ‘No, there’s plenty of food in the house. We’ll all three of us eat here.’

  He imagined the three young people gathered around the table, all of them proud of the part they were playing keeping the wheels turning, and for a moment he envied them their youth and enthusiasm.

  At about three o’clock Naomi phoned. ‘The night staff were very kind and once the doctor had seen him, the night sister let me sit with him all night. I’m sure it’s not usual, but I suppose she knew I had nowhere to go.’

  ‘What do they say, Auntie? How is he now?’

  ‘He ate some lunch and this afternoon he does seem much more like himself. I doubt if they’ll say he can come home until after the doctor’s morning round, but I should think we’d be back by the afternoon. How are you managing?’

  So Tessa explained about Gerry Baker. ‘He knows an awful lot and loves having the chance to be on a farm. So you mustn’t worry. Deirdre and I may only be learners, but Gerry makes up for it – and we’re willing workers. And I’ve not forgotten that today is the day for the order for that retirement place.’

  ‘Well done. Try and get it there in good time this afternoon. They only give the old dears a light supper and sometimes they are waiting for the eggs.’

  ‘It’s all boxed up ready. Have a word with Deirdre while I put it aboard the hybrid, then we’re on our way.’

  The Sunshine Home was about six miles from the farm, a home for the elderly no longer able to care for themselves but not ready for the geriatric ward of the hospital. It had been built by Deremouth Rural District Council and opened some three years ago when the order for eggs and butter had been given to Chagleigh Farm. In Tessa’s early days with Richard and Naomi, before she had found the job at Fiddlers’ Green, she had enjoyed delivering the butter and eggs twice a week. So when she arrived instead of Naomi no one thought it was odd or enquired whether there was something wrong. Tessa was sure that Richard wouldn’t want his health to be a topic of general interest, no matter how kindly meant.

  ‘We’ve done well.’ Driving homeward Tessa turned her head to call to Deirdre, who sat behind her in her chair.

  ‘Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?’ Deirdre agreed. ‘I wish we could tell Aunt Naomi. Perhaps she’ll phone again.’

  ‘I expect she will tomorrow morning. She said he wouldn’t be able to come home until after the doctor had done his ward round. Then she’ll tell us to get out the red carpet.’

  ‘Funny, isn’t it?’ Deirdre said thoughtfully. ‘A couple of days ago who would have thought that their happiness could come from having him home? And probably told he mustn’t do much even then. Yet now it sort of fills you with a thankful feeling – not so much for us, although of course we’re thankful, but it’s hard to imagine how they must be feeling – especially her, because he probably didn’t know how scary it was for her to have him taken off like that.’

  Tessa mulled over Deirdre’s words as they continued on their journey. ‘Nearly home. Shall I put my bike in the back with you and drive you to Fiddlers’ Green?’

  ‘Can’t I help with anything? We ought to make sure the dairy is spic and span so she sees how well we’ve done things.’

  But, in the event, the dairy had to stay as it was. For just as Tessa wheeled the chair down into the yard, Julian’s car drew to a halt behind them. There was something in his expression that warned them they weren’t going to hear anything good.

  ‘I’m glad you’ve got back,’ he said, getting out of the car and slamming the door. ‘When Mrs Pilbeam couldn’t get an answer from you, she tried ringing me.’

  ‘I spoke to her just before we went out,’ she told him, ‘and she said she expected to have to wait until the morning to be told he could come home. Has the doctor given him the OK this afternoon?’

  ‘I’m afraid the news I have is about as bad as it can be.’ He hoped that would prepare Tessa for the shock to follow.

  She held his gaze steadily, steeling herself to hear – to hear what? She wouldn’t let her thoughts carry her down the road she was frightened to imagine.

  ‘You mean he had another heart attack? But he was resting in bed; he wasn’t even using any energy – and look at the work he’s always done here.’

  ‘This time there was nothing they could do.’ There was no easy way of breaking the news, but Julian found it hard to tell what he knew she was hiding from hearing. He couldn’t escape the memory of Naomi Pilbeam’s voice, deadly calm as if the life had been drained from her: ‘I rang Tessa but she must be out. Will you tell her that I will be home later. I will be on my own. My husband – they couldn’t revive him – nothing they could do – dead. Richard is dead. I shall sit here for a while. I have the van. Tell her not to worry. I don’t want to come home yet.’ Then, as if she only then realized she was talking, ‘Silly, isn’t it? I just thought I’d stay here for a bit longer.’ He had known exactly why she wanted to stay. It wasn’t that she had realized she was in no mental state to take a car on the road; it was because as long as she was in the hospital where Richard had probably already been taken to the mortuary, she didn’t have to face the emptiness of home.

  ‘I told her to sit and wait where she was and I would drive you over. She ought not to bring herself back on her own.’

  ‘It’s not fair.’ Deirdre’s voice broke and at the sound of it her control was lost. ‘It’s not fair. What will she do without him? They were . . . were . . . complete together. Without him she will be half dead. Why couldn’t it have happened to some other couple? Lots of people quarrel but th
ey never did.’ She sobbed. ‘You know what I mean, don’t you, Tessa? You could sort of feel there was something making them like one person.’

  Tessa nodded. ‘A house filled with love, that’s what Gran called it.’

  Julian gave his daughter his ‘for decoration only’ silk handkerchief from his breast pocket so that she could mop up, and then she set off for Fiddlers’ Green in her electric chair. With Tessa sitting at his side, he drove slowly behind Deirdre until they reached the road, then while she turned to the left he went the other way on the Deremouth road.

  For a while they drove in silence then, as if picking up from Deirdre’s tearful outburst, Julian said, ‘This is going to be so hard for your aunt. Not only losing a partner so deeply entwined in her life, but somehow she will have to make a decision about the farm.’

  ‘Except for an occasional milking session, she has nothing to do with the animals. Uncle Richard was saying a day or so ago that Tammy was due to calf. Will she – Aunt Naomi, not Tammy – know what to do?’

  ‘Let’s hope Tammy manages without help. I believe that’s quite usual. Animals are much better at this sort of thing than humans.’

  At his words Tessa realized that since arriving back from the Sunshine Home, her own affairs had been pushed out of her mind. Now, though, she seized the opportunity of confiding to Julian, at least in part. ‘Mr Masters, I’ve been meaning to ask you: do you have Giles’ telephone number in Spain? Or do you know when he’s coming back?’

  Julian laughed. ‘Coming back? Who knows? I’ve known him to go off for pretty well a year with no word and then wander in as if he’d been gone no more than a day. And, no, I doubt if he even has a telephone.’ Then, giving her a quick glance, ‘Has he gone off without collecting the typing you’ve been doing for him? That would surprise me. The one thing he takes seriously is his work and, of course, that’s why he cuts himself off when he goes to Spain. No distractions, no invitations, no admiring females queuing for his favours. Even though he’s selling the cottage, believe me, he’ll wander back one of these days when he’s finished dictating whatever it is he’s working on.’ Another quick glance told him that Tessa had more than a superficial interest. Poor child, he thought. At her age it’s so easy to give your heart to someone out of reach: a film star, actor or, apparently, even a writer.

  As if she read his thoughts, Tessa found herself unloading her worries. ‘I’m not a stupid, adoring fan. I was, I expect, before I met him. But Giles and I are going to be married.’

  Julian frowned, not liking what he heard. ‘You say he proposed marriage? Tessa, my dear, fond as I am of the man – not that we have a great deal in common, but one can’t help being drawn to him – I am always aware that he is utterly undependable, a will o’ the wisp.’

  ‘No, deep down he isn’t like that at all, Mr Masters.’ She took a deep breath and he knew there was something important to follow. ‘When I took my holiday it wasn’t to go walking with an old school friend. I went away with Giles. We stayed together – you know what I mean – as if we were already married. He was frightened that if I asked Uncle Richard’s consent to marry me it would create trouble; better to leave it until next spring and then I shall be free to make my own decisions.’

  ‘You lied to them?’

  ‘I didn’t like doing it, honestly I didn’t. But I knew Giles was right and they wouldn’t have agreed. They really don’t know Giles. Well, not properly.’

  ‘So when did Giles go to Spain? I didn’t even know that’s where he was.’

  ‘Straight from our holiday. He brought me back as far as Exeter so that I could go home on the bus like they were expecting. He said he had to go out there, but would be back as soon as he could. But, honestly, I don’t want to disturb him when he’s working, I know how important that is to him. But you see, it’s vital that I talk to him.’

  Julian asked no question, but his heart went out to her. He thought of Deirdre, how her life had been changed in a few seconds when she’d been thrown; now there was Tessa, a girl he’d believed to have a wise head on her shoulders. But if he weren’t mistaken, her own life had been thrown just as firmly off course. Somehow they must make contact with Giles and he must learn a lesson that he’d avoided all these years: a man must take responsibility for his actions.

  ‘Here we are,’ he said as they turned into the gates of the hospital. ‘We’ll work something out, Tessa. But in the meantime, your aunt must come first. I won’t intrude today. As soon as I see you are with her I’ll go.’

  A minute later they walked up the side steps to the front entrance and saw Naomi’s solitary figure sitting in the foyer, her eyes closed even though she was sitting in far too upright a position to be asleep. It wasn’t until much later that Tessa realized she hadn’t even said goodbye to Julian, nor thanked him for bringing her.

  ‘Auntie,’ she called softly, as if she were frightened of disturbing Naomi’s private thoughts. Then, sitting beside her on the bench, she took her in her arms, holding her close as if her strength would drive away the numb misery.

  ‘They’ve taken him away.’ Naomi might have been talking to herself. ‘Here somewhere . . . don’t know where.’ She looked at Tessa and yet she might have been any stranger; there was no light of recognition in her eyes.

  Tessa had never felt so inadequate, so out of her depth. And yet she desperately wanted to find a way to give comfort. Rightly or wrongly she found herself speaking in a firm, practical way, surprising herself that she did when her heart ached for the desolate figure before her. ‘Mr Masters brought me over so that I could drive you home.’

  ‘That was kind,’ Naomi responded, standing up as she spoke.

  Together they walked out of the building, Naomi with her head high, her face showing no expression. She let Tessa lead her down the hospital steps, too numbed by shock and misery for tears.

  Six

  ‘Auntie, it’s so awful. I can’t believe it. I want to help, to say something that would . . . would . . . Oh, but there’s nothing.’

  ‘No. Don’t say anything.’ Naomi’s voice was flat, her face expressionless. It was as if she were going through the motion of polite conversation with a stranger – if it could be given the name of conversation – while her innermost feelings were numb.

  ‘Mr Masters has been a real brick.’ Tessa tried to follow her lead. ‘I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t lent Gerry to us. We can hang on to him until we sort ourselves out, but he – Mr Masters, I mean – insists that Gerry is on his payroll.’

  ‘How kind.’ The reply only emphasized that no matter what Tessa said, there was no way of breaking the protective armour of Naomi’s calm politeness. Both of them found it easier not to talk at all. And so, in silence, they covered the miles from Deremouth to Marlhampton.

  As they came along the lane towards the farm, Tessa glanced at Naomi, expecting that surely the sight of Chagleigh would break through her defences. And perhaps it did, but the effect wasn’t what she expected. The expressionless mask dropped and in its place was a look that was hard to read. Was it determination? Was it hope? Then something that might even have been a slight smile as the older woman turned her head to look across the lower meadow where the cows were happily grazing.

  ‘He’ll help me, give me courage,’ she said, seemingly speaking her thoughts aloud. Then, looking at Tessa as if she had only just realized she was there, ‘I won’t fail him.’

  ‘We’ll help with the dairy work, Auntie, Deirdre and me. I know Gerry is only on loan but I expect Mr Masters will let him stay a while. Perhaps he might even leave Fiddlers’ Green and come here to the farm permanently. He’s very keen.’

  Naomi shook her head. ‘I’m going to do Richard’s work. He’ll help me. He won’t leave me, he knows . . .’ But whatever it was Richard knew was lost in a sob that refused to be held back a second longer just as they turned into the yard. Switching off the engine, Tessa instinctively put her arms round Naomi, but her action was met w
ith no response. She felt rejected.

  ‘Auntie, it’s so awful. He was . . . well, he was a . . . a rock.’

  ‘Don’t! Let’s go indoors.’

  In the lobby were their wellingtons set in a neat row just as they were always left. Naomi kept her chin high and looked straight ahead as she unlocked the door to the kitchen. Tessa wasn’t so brave. She looked at the neat row of boots and was filled with foreboding. Soon she wouldn’t be there to support Naomi; she would be utterly alone.

  ‘You must be starved,’ Tessa said, thankful that with Deirdre’s ‘help’ she had prepared a cottage pie with the remains of last night’s beef before they took the delivery to Sunshine House. Her idea had been that it would be ready to cook as soon as she heard Richard was being brought home. ‘It won’t take very long to cook the supper. Why don’t you have a nice warm bath while you wait? You must be tired and hungry.’

  Like an obedient child Naomi did as suggested and returned half an hour later wearing a nightdress and dressing gown. The cottage pie was brought from the oven looking good and smelling even better, bringing forth a loud rumble from her empty stomach.

  ‘I didn’t have time to prepare a vegetable. We’ll have to have tinned peas. Is that all right?’

  ‘Of course.’ It would have taken more than unappetizing processed peas to break through Naomi’s reserve. As soon as her plate was put in front of her she took up her fork and started to eat, bolting her food as if she were starved. The last meal she had eaten had been the previous evening, although she had been given two or three cups of weak, sweet tea at the hospital.

  They made no attempt to talk and Naomi had more or less cleared her plate when, with no apparent warning and making no sound, her body jerked convulsively. With her hand over her mouth she got up from the table so suddenly that her chair fell backwards with a crash as she rushed through the adjoining scullery to the outside lavatory. From the kitchen Tessa could hear her retching and then the sound changed. There was nothing restrained in Naomi’s crying. She howled, she wailed, she called Richard’s name. Feeling utterly helpless, Tessa followed her and found the lavatory door wide open.